Attempt at surfing...again

I have always loved the water! I have grown up on the water my entire life and water sports are a huge part of my Spring, Summer and Fall. When I was younger I had a really bad near drowning experience while snorkeling. I'm not going to get into it because the experience still haunts me from time to time. What I can say is that It  was very scary and it sorta traumatized me being under water.

As you know I love to sail. It's my favorite sport. I've been sailing since I was 3 and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I also enjoy diving. I haven't gone in a few years but this summer I hope to make some time to do just that. I love the feeling of being underwater just as much as it scares me. Once you take that plunge all you have to rely on is your dive partner and your gauges to tell you how deep you are and how much air you have left in your tank.

The other day I was with one of my friends when he got a call from someone telling him the waves were good. He asked me if I wanted to join him and naturally I said no. I have a board but I've always been afraid of surfing. Every time I'm out there I feel helpless when I go under. It scares me so much. He ended up being quite persuasive. In the end I said yes and went with them. I was actually starting to get pretty excited. I rushed home to get my board and wet suit and met them at the beach. That was the moment I remembered why I don't really surf. The waves were pretty big and I didn't know how I was going to handle it all.

Once I got into the water I thought I was going to be ok, I had 2 experienced friends with me and the water was warm (for NH). It took me a long time to work up the courage to paddle out far enough to even get a good wave. Then it happened. This monster wave started forming right in front of my eyes and I was terrified. I tried to break it with my board but it swept me up in one fell swoop. I was under for almost 20 seconds which seems like an eternity when your being tossed around like a rag doll under the surface of the ocean. I stuck it out though despite my tremendous fear. It took about an hour but I finally called it quits and came in. 

In the end of it all I don't know if I would go back out any time soon. I want to get over my fears but at the same time I don't want to make it worse. Hopefully there will be a nicer day with smaller waves in the near future for me to practice with.

Do you surf? Have you had a traumatizing experience with water?